The drinking game for the Biden-Palin debate on October 2nd 2008 can be found here.

I pride myself on very few things in life. I feel I’m equipped to tell people exactly why the Cincinnati Reds won the World Series in 1990 (Wire to Wire), and I can tell people with a straight face that President Nixon was underrated as a President. However, and I’ve tried, I cannot find one legitimate excuse for any Republican Presidential Candidate who has participated in either two of the nationally televised debates. It’s like watching Grumpy Old Men without the gratifying sexual innuendos.

I didn’t watch the debate Tuesday, mostly because I watched the first one on my Birthday, of all days (I don’t recommend anyone else celebrate their b-day like that), but because I knew the headlines before they were written. On Yahoo! News it was exclaimed, “Republicans Debate: Tax Cuts and Abortion.”

Seriously. Seriously (I write for a second time, say it out loud, for effect). I don’t need to spend my Tuesday evening watching Rudy fumble his abortion position OR watch McCain being somewhat pre-Cambrian. After the first debate my position that Mitt Romney, the Former Governor of Massachusetts, is the somewhat Reagan-heir apparent and soon to be front runner was mostly solidified. Even though he looks, physically, like a sleazy used car salesman I realistically view him in front of the pack and it should become more evident over the summer.

However, on my birthday I did invent a drinking game for the debates (both parties) and I hope you enjoy. Also, I really have to advise everyone not to actually do this because what I’m about to list might make your liver say, “I quit.”

Republican Debate drinking game:

(The Basics)

Anytime someone says President Reagan: Chug

Any reference to the Cold War: 1 shot chilled vodka

Agreement with the war in Iraq: Drink

References to the Late Rev. Falwell: Drink Drink Drink

Any positive reference to a person of color (Colin Powell usually): 1 Jello shot

(The Phrases)

“Sanctity of Human Life”: 1 glass of expensive scotch on the rocks and with disdain

“Shining city upon a hill”: 3 Drinks and a cheers to non-originality

“Can’t wait to get my hands on Washington”: 2 shots and a visit to Great Salt Lake

“Hillary-care”: 3 Shots (In the first debate I counted that one 5 times)

(The Candidates)

Every time Mitt Romney refers to himself as a “Blue State Governor”: 2 drinks

Every time McCain looks old and creepily smiles: 1 warm brandy

Every time Tancredo sounds crazy on abortion OR immigration: 3 drinks

(If he puts them in the same sentence, which he has in the past, chug cheap wine)

Any time someone compliments Gov. Huckabee on anything: 1 shot

(This will NOT happen, who’s this guy anyway?)

(And for the brave!)

Every time Rudy Giuliani references 9.11: 1 shot of Rumpleminze (why? Because Rumpy is as ridiculous as Rudy bringing this up, and swallowing Rumpy is just as easy as Rudy apparently swallowing any self-pride he had left by talking about 9.11)

Democratic Debate drinking game:

(The Basics)

Reference to Martin Luther King Jr: Drink

Reference to FDR: 2 Drinks, and smoke through a fancy “Penguin style” holder

Reference to Civil Rights movement and/or either JFK/RFK: Cry, spill some for the homies, then drink

Reference to how Bush the Elder was a better war time leader than his son: Drink to the amount of current fallen soldiers vs. gulf war one fallen soldiers

(The Candidates)

Anytime Edwards references being the son of a mill worker: 1 cheap working class beer (must be in a can within a NASCAR cozy), then light your Macunudo with a C-Note

Anytime Chris Dodd’s neck fat appears to be bulging out of his shirt: 2 Lite Beers

Anytime Clinton refers to her husband as “Bill” to make their marriage appear “just like yours”: 1 glass cheap champagne out of a plastic cup

Any reference of the ability to speak fluent Spanish: drink the worm and break something filled with candy

Any viewing on the screen of Dennis Kucinich’s extremely tall and young looking “lady friend”: Mix 1 part Alize with 1 part Cristal (I had to throw a 2Pac reference in there somewhere)

(For the Brave!)

Any time Hillary Clinton attempts to sound like a Southern African-American preacher circa 1962: Drink something that must be lit first then hit yourself with a shovel.

If anyone can think of some more great Debate drinking games feel free to comment with your idea.

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