In what alcoholics refer to as a “moment of clarity,†I realized today why I’m looking forward to having the next few months of my life free from politics. I took off from Seattle at what I think was around 7 in the morning on January 2, 2008. The reason I say “I think†is because, well, I was hung over (no, I was still drunk…poor planning on my part). You see folks, I don’t really celebrate New Years Eve, I celebrate New Years Day. So, after making quite the first impression on some colleagues that I’ve never met in person, my day from hell continued at about 35,000 ft. Not that I remember, because I was out cold before the door closed.
I woke up in Des Moines. It was cold, really cold. I can’t say exactly what I did there without divulging sensitive information, but it did involve plenty of hand shaking, joke telling, and lunch with an ex-girlfriend who works for an opposing campaign. (And she still knows me better than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s scary. I’m still a better strategist though…wonder why it didn’t work out with a statement like that.)
Overall, I was really glad that I spent a grand total of 6 hours and 26 minutes in Iowa, only to immediately fly back home. Speaking of which, the flight home was awful and I ended up getting sick on the tarmac before getting in the van, a first for me. I get sick on swing sets people, so turbulence is not my friend. (As I wrote that, I heard my brother, in my head, calling me a part of the female anatomy.)
For the most part I think the Iowa caucus is a joke. Iowans always talk about how “they†decide for the country. Josh already pointed out that Iowa is pretty much whiter than Larry Bird, so I won’t launch into the demographic breakdown. But I happen to believe that the media, not the people, decides the Iowa caucus. How do I know this? Well, folks, controlling what the media says about a campaign is kind of what I do. I can’t recall how many times I’ve said to a so-called “journalist†that if they want an interview they have to write a favorable story first.
Remember how Governor George W. Bush, way back in 1999, was so loved by the reporters who were part of his entourage? Hell, a great documentary entitled “Journey’s with George†was made about this very fact (directed by Alexandra Pelosi, Nancy Pelosi’s daughter). All reporters do is kiss a candidate’s ass, and the candidate kisses the reporter’s ass, and thus you have the great ass-kiss fest known as the Iowa caucus. (Gotta love democracy!) The only candidate I’ve ever seen not kiss a ton of ass in a primary was John Kerry…gee, remember how much the press loved that guy? (heavy sarcasm)
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Anyway, here was my prediction as of 8 pm, Seattle time, the day before the Iowa Caucus: