…and why I hate/hated Mrs. Elzey.
I’m one of those rare people who had both a private school and a public school education, which was a real honor. The private school I went to for grades 6-8, where everyone called each other by their first names and there were only about 85 people, was quite political and is the single reason I’m as liberal as I am. Participating in Model UN was mandatory, field trips to science museums were constant, we had a school-wide bowling day and we had recess. Recess folks, and when the weather got nicer I don’t think we ever stayed inside for more than an hour.
Then I went to a public high school. The same high school as two other authors here at The Seminal, the same high school as both of my parents, my uncles, and of course my older brother. I even had some of the same teachers. Where do I start?
In preparation for this rant I emailed some friends from high school and asked them to compare the person I was then to who I am now. Many said that thinking back, they could see me doing what I do now, but they also pointed out that in high school I was far more interested in other things. My best friend is a doctor…I didn’t see that coming at all, and Mrs. Elzey, if you’re reading this I have a quick item for you: When you told me my junior year of high school that I wasn’t going to “amount to much because of my approach to life,†I want to thank you, because I think of you every time I cash my huge paychecks for giving advice to people who run the world. Thanks for giving me an F on the book report for the only book you made me read that I actually read and enjoyed (Slaughterhouse 5) because I wrote “more than required,†and yes, I did cheat on the Moby Dick test right before Christmas break. That book sucked, the movie with Jean Luc Picard sucked harder, and the only question I didn’t cheat on was “What saved Ishamael?†and the only reason I knew that was because it was a quote from a movie. The fact that I convinced you I didn’t should let you know my skills. You were truly a horrible person with a horrible tan. Oh yea, you marked that answer with ½ a point because I misspelled QueeQueg (which I probably did again). Am I saying I agree with the Columbine shooters? Or course not, it’s a horrible act. Are people like you the reason for this? You bet your ass, and why it didn’t happen at my high school during my tenure there is beyond me.
I also asked my mom to find one of those stupid things that I had to fill out my first day of high school and then was given back to me by the school when I got my diploma. It was this “what I want to do with my life†garbage that I didn’t take seriously then or now, but it’s kind of cute in a way to look back on what I wrote and realize how much I haven’t changed at my core:
“I’m saying I want to be a sports agent because I have to say something, but all I really want to be is happy doing something that a lot of other people don’t do. Some people just want to be like everyone else. I don’t. I want to be me.†(I’d still love to be a sports agent, but I’m not complaining.)
One highlight of high school, aside from the great times I had with my friends, was my freshman year social studies teacher telling the class he sent his daughter to another high school because that school was more likely to help her get into college. He later became a guidance counselor, go figure. Another highlight was the “goofy†math teacher jumping out the window and running as fast as possible during a routine fire drill, leaving all his students in the room. He, funny enough, was the same teacher that told me, as I was copying answers during a test, that if I did the work myself I’d learn more. I said, “Dude, I have no plans on using this in my life.†His reply? “Good enough for me.†Turns out I was right, and I got an A on that test. My dad was impressed with an A on a math test, and when I told him I cheated and talked my way out of it I think that impressed him more.
I agree with Ish completely that the major part of high school, and public education as a whole (especially at the piece of shit we went to), is designed to make people conform to society, not question authority, and just be happy working for the man and waiting to be forgotten. Luckily, I was just as big an asshole then as I am now, and I also had my parents to help me fill in the blanks. But I don’t think my high school education prepared me for anything at all, not even college.